


Someday can't come soon enough

by Krwzprtt



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anthy looks for Utena, Chronic Pain, Eldritch Elements, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Fairy Tale Elements, Hurt/Comfort, Mysticism, Post-Canon, TW Spiders, Wakaba appreciation, Wizards, tw blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krwzprtt/pseuds/Krwzprtt
Summary: The world is big, and the realms beyond it even more so. Somewhere in this expanse lies Utena. And Anthy will find her.They have a date, after all.Going for a wierd, eldritch/mystic vibe. The RGU world is weird anyways.
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	1. The Old Man of the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy knows better than to start blindly looking. But she remembers someone she can turn to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since a lot of the show is...to say the least, open to interpretation, and since what I wrote is based on mine, here's a clarification of what I'm going with :  
> \- The RGU world is weird, time-wise. When we see the flashback of Anthy recieving the curse, it's very anachronistic.  
> \- Anthy is no longer cursed by the end of the show : the swords didn't go back through her, they went towards Utena instead.  
> \- Othori "forgetting Utena even existed" isn't just normal moving on, it's supernatural : Wakaba doesn't seem to mind not being with Utena when we see her.  
> \- Anthy isn't human, and her curse isn't the only reason she lived for god knows how long. She did age between when kid Utena saw her and the time of the show, so I'm guessing her age is flowing somewhat psychologically instead of chronogically. As in, she probably lived for centuries, but in the show she's...actually still 14, if that makes any sense.

The driver kept their eyes on the road. It stretched as far as they could see. Like an endless trench through the forest, itself seeming infinite. Ever so often, a lamppost would reassure them that they hadn’t driven themselves into oblivion. But what an odd road had they embarked upon.

They looked in their rear-view mirror, at their passenger.

“It doesn’t seem like there’s anything for a while. Are you sure this is the right road?”

“I am. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you when to stop.” Answered the girl.

“Chuuu”, added her…was it a monkey? The driver wasn’t sure.

The driver put their eyes back on the road. In the back seat, Anthy Himemiya was staring outside too. She looked at the thick forest, at the lampposts that flew by her field of vision, and at the night sky. She hadn’t taken this road in ages. But she’d remember it.

“Wait. Stop.” She suddenly said.

The driver pulled over, and Anthy stepped out of the car. The driver was confused. This place looked like any other point on that road: barely a foot between the road and knee-height bushes, a lamppost standing sadly, and the canopies from the two sides of the road trying to reach each other.

Anthy walked to the post. It may have escaped the driver’s attention, but it didn’t escape hers: this one was covered in tiny holes. And at some points, in strange spiraling scratches. To most people, those marks looked like damage on a dying lamppost. To Anthy, and to anyone who knew what to look for, they looked like stars.

“This is the place.” She said.

“…oookay.” Said the driver. They’d seen a lot of weird stuff in their days, but this teenager definitely had a weird vibe about her. “The night’s about to fall, miss. Are you sure you’re gonna be fine?”

“Oh, I won’t be long here. At least I don’t think so. Could you wait out for me here?”

The driver rolled their eyes. They needed to rest anyways: they’ve been driving for hours.

“Fine, but don’t take forever. At least give me a call if you think it’ll last more than an hour, so I’d get to take a nap.”

“I will.” Said Anthy, a smile on her lips.

She then left the road and dug herself into the bushes. They were covered in thorns. One of those sent Chu-Chu flying to the top of Anthy’s head. The latter winced a couple of times but got through the few feet of dense vegetation that separated the road from the rest of the forest. The canopy was heavy, plunging the forest into darkness. Besides the bushes and the road behind her, there was nothing in any direction that set itself apart from the rest: trees, grass, the occasional small animal, and bushes. It would be so easy to get lost. Many probably did. But Anthy wouldn’t. She knew what to look for. Although this might not be the best term. Sight was of no help here.

She started walking straight forwards. Occasionally, she took steps to the side, obeying to an old instinct still within her. It took her a long time to get to her destination. Chu-Chu was getting sleepy on her shoulder. And yet, she knew that back at the road, the driver had probably still just started waiting.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the forest gave in to a clearing. Anthy let her attention get back to her sight. She raised her eyes: the Celeste Tower was standing before her. Anthy felt a wave of nostalgia course through her at the sight of the spire that seemed to stab the night sky. It hadn’t changed one bit since the last time she was here. And that was a long time ago. Before that day. Before the swords. She’d met the Old Man of the Stars between then and now, but it was the first time in ages she’d been the one visiting him.

Anthy walked through the gardens. Still as messy as she remembered. Jabu was a poor gardener. Still is, apparently. Once the gardens crossed, she stood in front of the door to the Tower. She knocked. The door opened on its own.

“Chuuuu!” screamed Chu-chu, hiding in Anthy’s purse.

Anthy breathed in. Still smells like dust. She entered the Tower and went up the first flight of stairs she came across. After a few stories of climbing, she rolled her eyes at herself. At least the tower at Othori Academy had an elevator. Always had it. Why Jabu never put one in his tower was beyond Anthy.

“Chu-Chu, you might want to keep hiding in here. We’re almost there to him.”

The staircase finally gave way to a large library. Chu-Chu, in his recklessness, still poked his head out of the purse, and was greeted to the sight of dozens of spiders as big as german shepherds. He instantly cowered back into the purse. Anthy, however, stared back at the hundred of eyes now pointed in her direction.

“Fetch your master, please. I would speak to him.” She politely announced.

A few of the spiders growled at her, but quickly lost their temper as she frowned at them. A few kept their distance but also their attention on the visitor, while most stepped away in holes in the walls and ceiling. A last one led Anthy to a small table and drew her a chair before retiring. Anthy sat at the chair and waited for her host. She contemplated the library, its bookshelves stretching for at least 20 yards high, and especially the northern wall. Or rather, the lack of one, letting the night sky bathe the room in a dim but soothing light.

“Who comes here? Who crossed the forest and stepped into my domain?” asked a soft voice lost in the architecture. The sound of steps came soon after. More than a pair of them. Anthy rose from her seat.

Soon enough, the footsteps reduced to a normal frequency, as the silhouette of a bearded old man in a dark blue suit sprinkled with gold spots drew itself from between the bookshelves.

“Greetings, mister Jabu. I’m sorry to come unannounced.” Anthy saluted.

“…Himemiya? Anthy Himemiya?” asked the Old Man of the Stars, as he stepped closer to his visitor. “You’ve…you’ve grown. Last time I saw you, and every time before that, you still bore the face of a child. Not that I’d call you an adult, but still.”

“While you still bear the weight of ages on your face, don’t you Jabu?” Anthy joked.

Jabu gave a small laugh. “I’m also surprised to see you here of all places. When I last spoke to your brother and you, he seemed quite adamant about not leaving his Academy, and keeping you at arm’s reach.” He said, sitting across from Anthy, and snapping his finger to command his eight-legged help.

Anthy sat back, and coldly answered: “Akio’s concerns are no longer mine. I came of my own volition.”

Jabu’s eyes grew wider. “Really? But…” he leaned forwards, raising slightly from his seat. Anthy could almost see his six extra eyes grow on his head as he examined her. “Your…the…you’re not….” He stuttered for a while, then finally gathered his thoughts together:

“You’re not cursed anymore.” He raised his hand, holding it in the air, at the level of Anthy’s heart. “…you feel so…serene. Are they truly gone? Has your suffering finally stopped?”

“The one they caused, yes. But they’re not quite gone. That’s why I’m here.”

Jabu did not answer and sat back in his chair. A few seconds later, a web came down from the ceiling, with a large platter at the end, on which a teapot and cups were resting.

“…say,” Jabu finally said, pouring tea for the two of them, “where’s that little friend of yours?”

Even hidden inside the purse, Chu-Chu heard he was being talked about. “Chu?” he said, poking his head carefully out.

“He’s still a bit scared.”

“…so, tell me. Why are you here?”

Anthy grabbed her cup, sipped out of it, then sat in thoughts for a few seconds. “I probably won’t surprise you by saying Akio wasn’t responsible for my newfound freedom.”

“…not really, no. He stopped being the altruistic type a long time ago. Last time I saw him, he seemed to have to further desire for you than to throw you under the bus and reclaim his power. Which, obviously, didn’t go so well, as you sit here.” Jabu stated, before taking a sip from his cup.

“Indeed. His ploys ended up being his undoing.”

“His ploys? The whole Duellist and Engaged thing? How so?”

“The last champion opened the Rose Gate.”

Jabu’s eyes widened.

“Then…what has become of them, if you’re here?”

“…that’s the problem. She opened it to my coffin and pried it open. As the world around us fell apart, I fell back to Earth, but she stayed behind.”

“…I’m starting to understand what you meant regarding the swords not being gone.”

“Indeed. They didn’t follow me down to Earth. And they weren’t destroyed either.” Anthy said, her hands crisping slightly around her teacup.

“…so where is that champion now?”

“That’s why I’m here. I don’t know.” Anthy’s eyes showed a hint of distress. “I need to find her. Wherever she is, she’s hurting. And unlike us, she’s only human. I can’t imagine what such a torment could be for her. She gave everything she had to free me of it. I can’t let her suffer it.”

“…is that why you’ve left Akio? Because you’re beholden to her?”

“…in part.”

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments. Then, the Old Man of the Stars finished his cup.

“I’ll offer my help. But I won’t lie to you about the difficulty of the path you’re setting yourself on.”

“How so?”

“She didn’t fall to Earth, did she?”

“No.”

“And the Rose Gate was opened but not shut.”

“Correct.”

“…so with it went away the pathway. Akio’s game created a champion to lead the way to the Gate. If there is no Gate, then the piece of reality it existed on is pretty much gone too. As is the road of the Duellist to reach it.”

Anthy’s mind filled with fear. “…meaning?”

“Your champion might be in Limbo. That’s a realm I would not set foot in, lest I wanted every of my future footsteps to be made in it.”

Anthy stood up. “I don’t care.”

Jabu bore a curious expression on his face. “Your will is free, but you would still risk losing yourself in Limbo for someone else. Can a debt really be that heavy?”

“…” Anthy stood silent, her gaze avoiding Jabu’s.

“…whatever your reasons are, my offer still stands: I’ll offer my help.”

* * *

The driver was starting to get bored when a knock drummed on the right window. They turned their eyes to see the young girl. They gestured at her to get back in the backseat. Which she did.

“Well, that was fast. You’ve been gone for barely…” the driver checked their phone, “…15 minutes. Uh, could have sworn it felt longer.”

“It might have.” Answered Anthy.

“So, back to your hotel?”

“Yes, please.”


	2. The Gate of Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy's journey cannot be made fully alone. To get Utena back, she's going to need help.

Wakaba threw her suitcase on her bed, before collapsing next to it. Summer was finally here. The school year had been long and tiring, and she was glad to be rid of it, even if it was only for a few weeks. She’s a bit sad she couldn’t stay in the Academy for the summer, but her parents insisted she’d come home. Not that she struggled that much. She had missed them. But now she was worried about missing her friends. Even before she left, she felt longing in her heart sometimes.

The small chirp of her phone took her out of her train of thoughts. It was Kazu, her friend. “ _She didn’t waste her time_ ”, thought Wakaba. Kazu convinced her to get a cellphone so they could stay in touch during the summer break. After giving a short reply to her impatient friend, she looked at the time. It was 2:31 PM. The afternoon was still fairly young. Maybe she could go downtown for tea or something. Or maybe she could go see her cousin Hanzo. He was nice to hang around.

Almost four hours and several detours through the streets of the city later, Wakaba was dragging herself back home. She felt a bit better about the summer, now. At least she wouldn’t get bored. But as she was listing herself ideas of things to do in the upcoming days, she noticed someone waiting in front of her house. A girl, roughly around her age, who looked vaguely familiar. As Wakaba tried to find where she’d seen that girl before, the latter turned towards her as she approached.

“Ah! Miss Wakaba. I’ve been meaning to see you.” Said the girl, in a very polite tone.

“Uh...hello. Do I know you?” Wakaba asked, puzzled.

The girl took a small air of surprise. “I thought you’d remember me.” Then, in a quieter, more disappointed voice “Not very promising.”

As Wakaba was about to answer this stranger, a small animal suddenly popped out of her hair, clinging to her shoulder. Some small monkey. Suddenly, it stroke her. Where she’d seen that pet. Where she’d heard that voice. She had a hard time seeing it without the glasses and the high-kept hair, but it almost seemed obvious now.

“Oh, right! You’re Anthy Himemiya. Sorry, I really didn’t expect you here.” Wakaba said, on her usually gleeful tone.

“I’m sure you didn’t.”

“What brings you so far away from the Academy? Isn’t your bother the chairman or something?”

“It’s complicated.” Anthy looked sadly into the distance. “Wakaba...do you remember Utena?”

“Uh?”

“Utena Tenjou. A girl from your class. Do you remember her?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell. Why?”

“I feared so. I’d go in more details, but it is getting late.” Anthy opened her purse, and got a small slip of paper out of it. “I’d like to stay in touch. I need you for something.”

Wakaba hesitantly grabbed the paper. “…look, not that I’m not willing to offer help, but this is kinda weird. I’d rather go.” She quickly glanced at the paper, spotting a phone number on it. She dashed past Himemiya, through the gate to her garden, and towards her house.

“Does it still hurt?” suddenly said Anthy.

“What?”

“The scar on your chest. Does it still hurt?”

Wakaba froze.

“Please, do consider calling me. Good bye.”

Wakaba stood in silence for what must have been minutes before her mother called her inside.

* * *

“You’ll help? Really?”

“I can provide all the wisdom and knowledge I have.”

“…So, how do I find her?”

“Getting to Limbo isn’t that hard. Finding your way in it is harder. Finding your way out is the biggest challenge.”

“Then let’s start with the latter. Any ideas?”

“…maybe one. The Gate of Longing.”

* * *

Anthy was playing with Chu-Chu. She hadn’t ordered tea yet. She thought it would be rude to start before Wakaba arrived. She let her gaze lose itself in the landscape of the city. It actually changed since the last time she went here. Or maybe she just saw the same things under new angles. She wasn’t the kid she was ages ago, who couldn’t cross the road without holding her brother’s hand.

She eventually spotted Wakaba arriving from across the street. The latter sat quietly in front of her, and stared down at her.

“How did you know about that scar? I definitely didn’t show it to you.”

“It’s complicated. But if I don’t mind asking, do you remember how you got it? It’s quite a large puncture wound, after all. You should remember it, right?”

“Don’t play games with me!” Wakaba shouted, startling a waiter that came to take their order, but was now having second thoughts. Anthy dispelled those by offering a nice apology, then asking for a pair of jasmine teas.

“I’m sorry. That was mean of me. The truth is, I know you don’t remember it. There’s a lot you don’t remember, even though it happened only a few months ago.”

“…I’m guessing that Utena is one of those things?”

“She is.”

“…”

The waiter brought them the drinks. Anthy sat silently, watching Wakaba.

“…the truth is…” Wakaba struggled to say, “…I haven’t felt quite right these last few months. It’s…it’s stupid, but…”

“Don’t be afraid to talk” Anthy said, putting her hand on Wakaba’s. “Let it out.”

“I feel sad sometimes, but I don’t know why. Like I’m missing something, or someone, but I don’t know who. Like I’ve been shaken to my core, but what did it went away without a trace, and I’m left here agitated. It…it can’t be normal, right?”

“That depends on what definition you put behind normal. But in your case, it definitely isn’t.”

“...can you tell me something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Where does that scar come from?”

“A black rose was lodged into your heart.”

“Whaaaaaat?” Wakaba almost leapt from her seat.

* * *

“The Gate of Longing can send someone to one who misses and loves them. It’s an old ritual, but an effective one.”

“Then…I could get Utena back with it! I just need to-“

“Ah, but you couldn’t. See, if you find your champion in Limbo, and send her through the gate, it’ll send her to you. Ergo, still in Limbo. You have to find someone else. Someone on Earth.”

* * *

Wakaba’s tea had grown cold in her hands.

“…how close were we?”

“She’d throw herself in front of a raging bull to save you. She was always the protecting kind.”

“…I don’t know how or why…but somehow I feel like you’re right.”

“She might not be here anymore, but she’s not quite erased either. Reality works in strange ways.”

“Not here? Is she…”

“No. Lord knows I wouldn’t be here if she were.”

“…I’m sorry, but…why are you telling me all this?”

“Before she disappeared, you were one of her closest friend. She most definitely was your best friend. And I need this kind of connection to find her.”

Wakaba slumped in her chair. Could what that girl said be true? Somehow, she felt like it was. But that girl did mention magic at one point. Was she a witch? Did she cast a spell on her?

“I’m sorry but…I don’t think I can help you. That girl…while she does seem somehow familiar…I can’t remember her.”

“…I know. Last time I checked, almost nobody did.”

“…It feels wrong.”

“Uh?”

“I should ignore all of this. Call it stupid, go home, and think about something else. But I don’t want to. It feels like an itch on a limb I don’t have. It feels like it’s there, but I can’t trace it to anything.”

“…it’s okay to be confused. The world can be confusing.”

“…Himemiya?”

“Yes?”

“Were you also close to this Utena?”

Anthy pursed her lips slightly. “Very.”

“What happened to her?”

“…she’s hurt. And it’s my fault. Because she did it for me.

We promised to take care of each other. I plan on making good on that promise.”


	3. Lost in the fog of memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakaba is left tugging at the strings of her memory. Anthy takes her to someone who can help.

Wakaba waited on the side of the road. It was early in the morning. She told her parents she’d be visiting a friend for the day. She also told them it might end in a sleepover. Better take precautions, Wakaba thought. Himemiya did tell her this could take a long time. Eventually, a car pulled out in front of her. The front window opened, and the driver leaned towards her.

“Are you…” the driver looked at a small note, “Wakaba Shinohara?”

“Uh…yes?” Wakaba said, curious.

“Great. I’m supposed to pick you up. That girl with the monkey told me to drive you to her.”

Wakaba climbed aboard in the back seat. The driver soon took off.

“Weird girl, isn’t she?” said the driver to Wakaba. “I mean, I’ve seen my fair share of weird over my career, but there’s something odd about her tone.”

“A little, yes.” Answered Wakaba.

“She had me drive around some weird places. I mean, even the place I’m taking you now…it looks normal, but it feels odd.”

“How so?”

“It feels alive, somehow.”

“…”

They drove in silence for the rest of the ride. Wakaba looked out the window: they were taking her somewhere in the suburbs. And not in the nice ones: the old ones, the ones that smelled like rust and oil. Eventually the driver left the roads for tiny streets, diving in the labyrinth of the city’s grey areas. And after quite some time, they stopped.

“We’re here. And so is your friend.”

Wakaba stepped out of the car. She was in an old junky alley, squeezed between large concrete buildings. The asphalt looked wet and dirty. She scanned the area: Himemiya was indeed there, waiting in front of what looked like an old warehouse. She wasn’t wearing the same classy clothes as before, but a more practical outfit. This made Wakaba a tad worried.

“Wakaba. I’m glad you’re here.” Anthy greeted, before turning to the driver. “This might take a while. You can go, and I’ll call you when we need a ride back.”

“Fine by me. This place gives me the creeps anyways.” The driver answered, before driving away.

“…so, tell me what we’re doing here again? Your texts were…pretty cryptic.”

“We need your full memory back. But I don’t think I can reach it myself. However, here lives something that can.”

“SomeTHING? That doesn’t sound reassuring, Himemiya.”

“Don’t worry; you don’t risk anything with me. What’s inside is dangerous to the unknowing intruder, but I know how to navigate it.”

“…Himemiya? What’s in it?”

“A witch. Sort of. I’m not really sure what it is. It’s way older than me.”

“…you’re fifteen tops, I don’t think it’s that impressive a qualifier.”

“Uuuh…sure. Let’s go with that. Older wasn’t the best term to describe it anyways.”

Saying that Wakaba was confused would be a massive euphemism. As she stared at the old building, she understood what the driver meant. It didn’t feel like an old dead static building. Somehow, as she stared at it…it almost felt like it stared back.

“Come on. Let’s go. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t trust anyone you see in there. Unless it’s me. And even then, be careful.” Said Anthy. She reached for her purse, and pulled Chu-Chu out of it. “I need you to wait here, Chu-Chu. It’s no place for you in here.” She set him on the ground.

And now Wakaba’s confusion was replaced by dread. Which was amplified when Himemiya opened the large door to the warehouse-thingy, seemingly to endless darkness. She then walked into it, gesturing at Wakaba to follow her. Which, against her better instincts, she did after a few seconds. This whole thing scared her. But she just had to know where all of this ended.

And then the door closed behind her, leaving her in the dark.

“Hi…Himemiya? You’re still here?”

“Yes. Don’t be scared. If we want it to work, it’s probably best if you let it happen.” Anthy answered, seemingly from far away.

Wakaba pulled out her phone, trying to shed a little light on where she was going. As she was advancing hesitantly, she started to have a slight headache. She got a little dizzy, and her train of thoughts went astray. She kept moving forwards, not knowing where. She was no longer holder her phone in front of her. She was almost mindlessly moving through the dark.

It reminded her of a game her dorm played once. A giant lights-off-hide-and-seek. She was the first seeker, trying to find her friends in almost complete darkness. At least the light of the moon was there. Still, she bumped into so many walls that day.

Suddenly, she hit her head on something. She pulled back, her eyes closed, rubbing her forehead. When she opened her eyes, she saw the doorframe of Kazu’s door room. She silently cursed the moon for not shining more. That was like the third one she’d run into by now. No matter. Sight might not be on her side, but her hearing was. And she definitely heard Kazu sneeze. She knew it was Kazu, because she sneezed like a kitten.

Then Wakaba got distracted thinking about kittens. “ _Hehe, kittens. So cute_ ”, she thought. She then recoiled a little as light suddenly hit her. The sun was setting over the city. “ _Maybe don’t stare right into the sun…wait, did I hear a meow?_ ” She turned around, and indeed, hidden in a bush in the sidewalk, a baby kitten was poking its little head out. Wakaba’s restraint snapped immediately, as she bent down to pet it. “ _Aww, aren’t you an adorable little one._ ” It’s always cute when they’re poking their head out of things.

Just like that one. Himemiya was showing it to her.

“So cuuuute! What’s his name?” Wakaba asked.

“I haven’t picked one yet. I’ll let Touga decide. It’s a gift for him, after all.”

Wakaba was petting the small tabby. “Aah…he’s getting me distracted!”

Himemiya straightened up. “Oh, I’m sorry. I presume you were here to see Miss-“

Wakaba felt a jolt of pain course through her. Like a hammer had suddenly banged in her head. She collapsed on her knees. She panicked for a few seconds, as she couldn’t see anything. She then spotted the dim light from her phone. Oh, right. The creepy warehouse.

She remembered feeling the fur of the kitten on her hands. It was mere seconds ago, she was sure of that. But…no, she just got into that building. And…and…

…Himemiya. When she was with her and that cat, they were wearing their school uniforms. And now that she thought about it…she was also when she…played hide-and-seek in the dorm? But that was weeks ago. Why did it feel like it just happened?

* * *

Anthy was moving carefully through the dark. She went to this place once, a long time ago. It wasn’t a very pleasant memory. But she knew better than to let her train of thoughts go there. Not in here. She looked behind her. Did she lose Wakaba of sight? Not that it matters. This place wouldn’t risk hurting her while Anthy was there. She’d still need to talk to the owner, of course. Wakaba needed more than a trip down memory lane.

She started to feel a bit bad for Wakaba. Yes, it was easier if she let her figure it out for herself, but…she must be so confused. So scared. Anthy sighed. Even people she’s supposed to help, she can’t stop but hurting them, can’t she?

She then felt something run down her hand. She looked down.

She was holding a sword, and blood was running down the blade, dripping on her hand. She noticed the red fabric the Rose Bride dress on her wrist, and the tiles of the dueling arena on the ground. Even without turning her head, she could see where the blade was lodged. Into who’s back.

Anthy used all of her willpower to drag herself out of this moment. She was back in the dark warehouse, hyperventilating.

“Almost got me there, Maja.”

A voice echoed through the darkness. “Oh…so closed. So defensive. Ages later and you’re still not willing to open up, are you?”

Anthy didn’t bother to look where the voice was coming from. She knew Maja wasn’t…like her. Even by witch standards.

“Still cold, still dark…still hurting…a small, sad Rose Bride.”

“I’m not the Rose Bride anymore.”

“Aren’t you?”

Anthy felt something pull at strings in her head. Like skipping through her thoughts.

“Aaah…interesting. I’m sorry; it’s hard for me to tell. So little of your memory isn’t as the Rose Bride. Forgive my confusion.”

“Forgiven. I need your help, Maja.”

“Is it about that poor girl you’ve brought me? I assume that’s not a gift.”

“It isn’t.”

“Not sure I’d even want it, though. What happened to her? Her memories are all…broken.”

“That’s why we’re here. She…We need them back.”

“Don’t fool yourself, little girl. You’re the only one who needs them.”

Anthy felt the darkness almost tighten up around her, and the air becoming thicker.

“What do you even hope to accomplish? What did she forgot that you need?”

“It’s not-“

“Hold on. Let me see for myself.”

* * *

Wakaba was wandering around the Academy gardens. She’s looking for someone. She’s not too much in a hurry: the fresh air and the warm sun are nice. This little research was giving her an excuse to get outside. As she was walking down the alley near the northern dorm, she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

“Hey! Wakaba!”

She turned around, instantly spotting Himemiya and her friend-

…Himemiya’s friend-

…HER friend-

“GHHAAAAH”

She collapsed to the ground again. She was back in the dark. What is that thing she keep getting her head hurt on? Every other scene she sees flows seamlessly from one to the other, but every so often the train of her thoughts seemed to just crash on an invisible wall.

“…who is that?” whispered a voice that Wakaba didn’t hear.

Wakaba was getting annoyed. Whatever that wall was, she’d break through it. She stood back up, and kept advancing in the dark.

“So dedicated. Might spare me the effort.” Said Maja to herself.

Wakaba moved forwards.

She was struggling to move through high grass. She was watching the clouds pass by with Kazu, her face caressed by fern. She was watching the clouds pass by with- the train crashed.

“Come on…almost there…” whispered Maja.

She was having tea with her parents. They said they’d missed her while she was at school. She was at school. Math class was boring. Math homework was boring. She was failing her math homework. She went to ask- the train crashed.

Wakaba winced.

She was talking to Saionji. She was watching him practice. She was watching him practice against Touga. So were a lot of other girls. She was in a crowd in the fencing room. She was on the walkway above the fencing room, looking at the captain fight. She commented about the captain to- the train crashed.

Wakaba gritted her teeth. “I’m getting sick of it”, she said.

She was angry at her teacher. She was angry at herself for not studying enough. She was congratulating herself for passing. Her parents were congratulating her for passing. And for coming home. She was home. She was going home. She saw Himemiya waiting for her. She met her before. She was before. She told about her to- the train crashed.

“This isn’t normal.”

She was getting angry at- the train crashed.

“This isn’t normal!”

This wasn’t how- the train crashed.

“Almost there…” whispered Maja.

She was angry at Himemiya for hurting- the train crashed.

“This isn’t normal! It makes no sense!”

She was mad that it wasn’t normal. That’s not how she behaved.

“Yes! Don’t let it go!” said Maja.

She…she…she…

…she was mad at her friend for giving up.

“You’re holding in it again! I hate seeing what you’ve become!” Said Wakaba to her friend. “It’s like something was stolen from you and made you a coward!” She frowned as hard as she can. “I don’t know what it is, but if you can get it back, then get it!”

Her friend’s eyes widened.

“Normal for you means being cool! And…and…”

“I can’t see her yet. Keep pushing, little girl.” Said Maja.

“This uniform just isn’t right for you!” Wakaba said to Utena. And she thought it. That wasn’t what she was meant to wear. Her boy’s uniform was so much better.

Wakaba’s mind shook, like if an earthquake shattered it to pieces.

“I’m sorry, Wakaba.” Said Utena.

Wakaba, even in her dream, felt her mind expanding, as if taking back the shape it once was.

“…oh. Interesting.” Said Maja.

* * *

Anthy was focusing on her breathing. She had nothing to do but wait for Maja to come back. She’s used to waiting. She spent so much of her life orbiting other people, waiting for them to act. The pains of being under a geas, she thought. And yet here she was, spending the time she now had to try to find her…friend. She missed her. She missed the times they were just sitting and having tea together.

“In ten years, we’ll be together, laughing and sipping tea.” Utena told her. She set her hand on the table, next to Anthy’s, intertwining their fingers. “I promise.”

“Yeah.” Anthy tightened her hand around Utena’s. “We will.”

She snapped back. She was still in the dark.

“I take it that you’re back.”

“What are you doing?”

“Uh?”

“That’s the same girl. The one little Wakaba over here forgot and the one you were just thinking of.”

“Yes. Utena.”

“And the one you stabbed in the back.”

Anthy straightened herself.

“First thing you and I saw in here, remember?” Maja continued.

“Does she remember?”

“Are you looking for her? What is this? Amends?”

“Just tell me…” Anthy struggled to continue.

“Just come to me if you have a problem. I want us to be friends like that.” Said Utena.

“Tell me…if she remembers.” Anthy said, ignoring what she heard in favor of what she knew was really there.

“More importantly, do you?”

Anthy fell to her knees as Maja’s probe went deeper into her mind.

“Your champion is in Limbo.” Jabu said.

“Ugh, that spider. Can’t stand it.” Maja scoffed.

“The Gate of Longing can help you.” Said Jabu.

“…as I thought. Little Anthy, still using people. Although this time it’s not even for your walking disaster of a brother, it’s for yourself.”

“Silence.” Said Anthy.

She drove the sword deeper in Utena’s back.

“Do you even think she’d want you?” said Maja.

“Have you ever heard of Cantarella, Miss Utena?” Said Anthy.

“STAY SILENT!” screamed Anthy.

The fog went away. Anthy was on her knees, in the dark.

“…that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you yell.” Said Maja. “Although…”

“MISS UTENA! GET OUT OF THERE! THE SWORDS!” Anthy shouted, panicked.

Utena looked back, hurt and begging: “Give me your hand!”

“Uh…maybe she would.” Maja said.

Anthy was on her knees, but it wasn’t as dark anymore. She stood back up.

“…your little friend should have grabbed all the pieces of her mind by now.”

“…I’d thank you, but this wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience.”

“Well, it entertained me. So, win-win.”

“…goodbye, Maja.”

Anthy turned around. She saw…well, not really saw, but knew where Wakaba was, sitting on the ground, with her hands clutching at her head.

“…Himemiya?” said Maja.

“Uh?”

“It’s not going to be enough, you know that?”

“What do you mean?”

“The swords. They’re still in that lady of yours. It won’t mean anything if you don’t find a way to dispel them.”

Anthy stood in silence.

“Thank you, Maja.”

She walked away. She grabbed Wakaba by the arm, guided her to a standing position, and walked her out of the warehouse.

Wakaba came to her senses once the threshold was passed. The smell of rust and the heat of the sun hit her, as the last ounces of fog left her mind.

“…Himemiya?”

“Yes, Wakaba?”

Wakaba’s eyes started to fill with tears. She pulled Anthy in a tight embrace.

“…I’m sorry I forgot.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Said Anthy, returning the hug as much as she could.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you.”

“Uh. You even remember that? Maja’s magic is effective.”

“…What really happened to Utena?”

“…she sacrificed herself to set me free.”

Wakaba started crying. “I miss her. I didn’t know who I missed but…I missed her so much.”

“I know.” Said Anthy, gently caressing her hair.


	4. The Zinnia Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A now remembering Wakaba brings her help to Anthy's quest.

Wakaba looked up to the spire. It stood like a shard of moonstone, standing in the middle of the forest. How strange, she thought. It was so tall, way taller than the canopy, but she didn’t saw it from the road. A part of her wondered how it was built: there certainly were no roads around here. Another part of her knew better. After what Himemiya told and showed her, and the things she now remembered…she’d accept an impossible spire anytime.

“…well, it looks less creepy than the last place you took me. Whoever lives here, they’re not gonna mess with my head, are they?”

“No, don’t worry. Jabu might play intimidating sometimes, but he wouldn’t hurt a f…well, we wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

Wakaba wasn’t fully convinced, but still followed Anthy to the door of the building. And through it. And through the flights of stairs, about which she complained a few times. Not that Anthy disagreed. And as Wakaba was dragging herself through the last steps, thinking herself drained, she was suddenly revived with a jolt of energy when she spotted the spiders tending to the library.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

“Calm down, Wakaba, they’re not aggressive.” Said Anthy.

“Yes, please, do calm down. Wouldn’t want to frighten them.” Said a voice from high up the room.

Wakaba stopped screaming and cast her eyes upwards. She spotted the source of the voice: an old man in a weird robe, standing horizontally on the wall.

“Himemiya. Didn’t expect you to be back so soon.” Said the Old Man of the Stars, walking his way down the wall.

“ANTHY!” shouted Wakaba, hiding behind Himemiya. “He’s…he’s walking on the walls!”

“Don’t worry so much about it, Wakaba.” She gently said, before turning to Jabu. “Well, I’ve been lucky. Finding miss Shinohara here wasn’t too hard. Getting her memory right, though, a bit.”

Jabu hit the ground. “Shinohara, is it? A pleasure to meet you. You can call me Jabu.” He offered his hand. Wakaba shook it hesitantly, still using Anthy to shield herself.

“So, did you prepare the ritual?” Said the latter.

“Of course. Follow me.”

He turned around and led them through the maze of bookshelves. Wakaba was distracted from her fear of this place by the impressiveness of Jabu’s collection. The Academy’s library was big, but…this one was gigantic. And the shelves stretched so far up. She wondered how he could even reach the higher shelves. “ _Oh, right_.” She thought. “ _Spider dude_.”

Eventually, the twisted corridors of shelves opened to a larger space. On the ground, a great circle that definitely looked mystical to Wakaba was drawn.

“Okay, miss Shinohara, has Himemiya filled you in on what we’re going to do?”

“Not quite. Something to help us find Utena thanks to me remembering her, but that’s all I know.”

“…not quite accurate. We’re going to create a key for the Gate of Longing. Once Anthy finds Utena, she’ll be able to use the Gate to come back. Please step inside the circle.”

Wakaba got inside the circle. Anthy set herself in a symmetrical position from her. Once they were close to the center, Jabu’s instructions continued.

“You now need to focus on your friend. On how much you care about her. Anthy will use that to extract the key from you.” Jabu said, as he stood outside the circle. The inscriptions on the floor had started slightly glowing.

Wakaba nodded, and closed her eyes. She pictured the time she spent with her friend. How they’d help each other when they were down. How they’d laugh at stupid things and at each other. How Utena’s face lit up when she smiled.

She felt Himemiya’s hand lay on her chest.

“Good. Keep going.”

A flash of sadness went through her. She remembered when Utena got depressed after Anthy and her…what did happen that time? Magic shenanigans, she assumed. Utena’s eyes looked so dim. She was usually so full of life, but on that day, she looked so lifeless and grey.

“Almost there.”

She remembered how much she wanted to help her that day. How it was unbearable to see her best friend so damaged and unhappy. How much…how much…

“Almost there…”

How much she wanted her friend back.

Wakaba felt a jolt of energy course through her.

Under Anthy’s hand, Wakaba’s chest shined, to an almost blinding degree. She withdrew her hand by a few millimeters and felt something solid follow it.

She shifted positions, putting her right arm behind Wakaba (in case she fell backwards), as she continued to withdraw her left hand. She could now see the large key that was now popping out of Wakaba’s chest.

A few seconds later, she was done extracting it. Wakaba fell backwards onto Anthy’s arm as the latter held the key in her hand. Anthy gently led an exhausted Wakaba to a sitting position on the ground.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

Wakaba’s senses came back to her, and she straightened her back as she opened her eyes. “…yeah. I’m fine.”

Jabu moved towards the two girls. The three then turned their eyes to the key Anthy was holding. It was large, silvery, and old-fashioned. The head was circular, and in it stood the image of a red flower with a ring of yellow stamen surrounding a darker core.

“Uh. A zinnia. Makes sense.” Commented Anthy.

* * *

Jabu gently laid a sleepy Wakaba on a silk hammock and returned to Anthy. Chu-chu got off of Anthy's shoulder, and sat down on Wakaba, as if watching over her.

“Well, that’s step one done. Now, step 2: getting you to Limbo.”

“There’s something else we need to worry about first, actually.” Said Anthy.

“Oh?”

“Even if I find her and bring her back, it won’t be worth it if she stays cursed. I’ve lived with the curse of the Rose Bride for a long time. I won’t let Utena go through that.”

“Uuuuh…sure, but that’s a bit above my power. That curse is old, strong, and fueled by hatred and resentment. That’s not something that can be casually dispelled.”

“But it has to! I can’t let her suffer that!” Anthy said, slowly losing her temper.

“Well, short of letting it fall back on yourself, I’m out of ideas. And I don’t think she’d let you take it back either.”

“No! She doesn’t get to live through that! That curse has nothing to do with her! She’s just-“

“Hold on.” Interrupted Jabu. “Say that again.”

“It’s…” Himemiya was choking back a few tears. “…it’s not her fault. None of it is her fault.”

“…it isn’t. She’s cursed for something she hasn’t done.” Jabu was fidgeting his hands in the air, muttering to himself. After a few seconds, he said: “I know of an old relic. The Holy Fire. It’s supposed to lift curses and blights from those it touches.”

“I…I hadn’t heard of that. You think it can set her free?”

“Definitely. It’s a very powerful relic. One of the great ones of the old world.”

“…wait, if it can break the curse…why didn’t you tell us about it sooner? As in…when I still had it?”

“Because there’s a catch, dear.”

Himemiya’s gaze fell to the ground. “There always is.”

“See…it’s held in an old castle, in the middle of a lake. But no one can cross it. Trust me, I tried. The only way to get a sample of that fire is to plead your case to the only one who can reach the castle.”

“And who would that be?”

“Its master. The King by the Lake. And rare are the ones he lent the Fire to.”

“The King by the Lake…the name seems familiar.” Anthy remembered. “Yes, it’s coming back: an old song I’ve heard as a child. The king by the lake sits waiting, as the knights of the world are searching. The worthy and the pure he deigns to address, those valiant souls he graces and blesses.”

“Yeah, he will only give the Fire to those whose cause is rightful. And given Akio’s motivations as of late…well, you can guess why I didn’t suggest it. But saving a soul from an unwarranted curse? That might just convince him. Besides, as Akio grew vile over the years…maybe he won’t even see your initial “offense”, and the curse that came for it, as relevant.”

“Then I must see him at once. Where can I find him?”

Before Jabu could answer, they were distracted by a small grown.

“Hhhrrgnn….” Said Wakaba. “…are we home, Himemiya?”

“…might want to bring her to her parents.” Said Anthy.


	5. The King by the Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy goes to retrieve the Holy Fire. But its guardian isn't the only thing she ends up facing.

Himemiya was sitting in silence. The sound of the car’s engine was almost soothing. Something she could use right now. Even if her dedication to save Utena was infinite, she was crippled with dread at the prospect of meeting the King by the Lake. Maybe because she didn’t know what she would do if he said no. Maybe because she was having a hard time picturing him saying yes.

She stared through the window. The pine forest outside carried a vastly different energy than the one hiding the Celeste Tower. Or the one surrounding Othori Academy. These woods looked…sick. Old. Dying. Contagious. That definitely wasn’t helping Anthy’s worry.

“Yikes, this place is creepy.” Said the driver.

“Indeed.” Dryly commented Anthy.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t take your friend with you. Given the look she was giving when I took her to the old town, I don’t think she would have liked it here.” They continued.

“Probably not.”

“It just didn’t get better with time.”

“You’ve been here before?”

“Oh, a while ago. Some obnoxious dude wanted me to drop him off here. Something about a castle on a lake. I’m no expert but…definitely weird stuff afoot.”

“…you’ve been working as a driver for a long time?”

“Oh yeah. Stopped counting a while ago.”

The driver then stopped the car.

“We’re here. Well, at least as far as the car can go.”

Anthy got out, instructing Chu-chu to stay inside.

“Do you know which way I should go?” she asked.

“This way.” They pointed to a fog a few dozen yards to the left of the road. “Don’t worry, I’ll wait here with your pet.”

“He’s my friend. But thank you.” Anthy closed the door. She gathered her willpower and moved forwards.

The trees looked even sicker than before. The sky had gone grey, the earth was dry and thin, and the air smelled sour and old. She kept advancing through the diseased land, entering the fog. Eventually, the smell of water hit her nostrils as the fog became thinner.

She was standing on the shore of a massive lake. How large was the lake was hard to estimate, but Anthy guessed it would have taken days to circle it. She looked at its center. As the legend promised, a the silhouette of a castle stood. It looked dead, crumbling, and uninhabited. Or at least it would, were it not for a light that shone on one of its decaying towers.

Then Anthy heard something. A bird call, echoing through the mist. Then, flowing water. After a few moments, something popped out of the fog. It was a small boat, withered and old. It moved slowly, and Anthy could see the silhouette of its inhabitants drew themselves against the mist. A pair of wings suddenly expanded from the boat and plunged into the water. As the rowboat was getting closer, the water splashed again, as the great bird resurfaced, a brown fish trapped in its beak.

The man sat in the boat pet the bird on the head as he collected the fish. “Good job, good job.”

Anthy didn’t dare enter the water, instead choosing to address the rower from afar.

“Are you the master of the castle? Are you the King by the Lake?”

The boat drew closer, and Anthy could now see the rower. It was an old man, to whom time had not been merciful. Wrinkles and scars layered atop his face, glassy eyes that probably couldn’t see much anymore, and loose shriveled hair hidden under a modest cap. He wore thick clothes that might have once been fancy but were now decolored and covered in filth and mud. On the gunwale of the boat stood a cormorant, who looked a lot more alive than its master.

“King? I am King, yes. And I am on a lake, as I have been for time immemorial.”

“I have come to seek the Holy Fire.”

“So have many. And surely, you know most leave this place empty-handed or foolishly drown trying to cross. What makes you think you’d be any different, Anthy Himemiya?”

“How…how do you know my name?”

The cormorant squeaked, spread its wings, and dove back into the murky water. The King on the Lake rowed, stopping only at about 10 feet of the shore.

“My eyes might not be as useful as they once were, but the whispers of the wind don’t lie. This place draws questers only a tenth of the time as often as it draws stories, rumors, and tales. And the Tale of the Rose is one I haven’t missed.”

Anthy looked at the inside of the boat. The King’s legs were covered in cobwebs. The cormorant pulled out of the water, without a fish in its mouth. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” whispered its master, “you can’t catch all of them.”

“The Tale has a new ending.” Anthy announced. “It now ends with a new prince, taking the place of the Rose Bride in front of the swords of mankind.”

“I know. The wind told me. The creaking of the Rose Gate echoed far and wide when it was opened.”

“I need the Fire to save this prince. To free her of the curse. To dispel it.”

The King by the Lake turned a bad eye to Anthy. “You didn’t answer my question. Many came here needing the Fire. To dispel curses and blights. What makes you think you’re any different?”

“It’s not about me. It’s about her. She doesn’t deserve to suffer from it.”

“Then take back your place behind the Rose Gate. Problem solved. No need for the Fire.” He said, probing the surface of the water.

“I doubt she’d let me. This can only end with the curse dispelled.”

“No. It can end with her letting you take the curse back. It can end with you walking away, enjoying your life free of the consequences of the curse. Is the latter not what your first prince did?”

“I am NOT my brother!” Anthy snapped.

“And I thank the stars for it. We certainly don’t need another one of him walking around. Although there would still be one. And why is he still alive again?

Oh, right. Because you enabled him.”

“I…he wasn’t like that back then.” Anthy lowered her eyes. “It might have made sense in these times. Maybe it never did. But once it was done…going back just felt senseless.”

“I could accept this little spiel of yours if you were just a little girl doing nothing but get hit and be sad. But we both know that’s not all there is to you.”

“…I know.”

“The creaking of the Rose Gate isn’t the only sound I’ve heard resonating through eternity.”

“…”

“The pained wails of your new prince came first.”

“…” Anthy’s hands were clenching at her shirt.

“Why should I give the Fire to someone ready to kill an ally, not even for their own interest, but for their own misery.”

“Because it’s not for me. I just can’t let her suffer this.”

“I told you. This could all end with you taking your place back as the Rose Bride. And yet you claim she ‘wouldn’t let you’. Weak argument, might I add.”

“I tried to have her let me!” Anthy raised her head, looking at the King dead in the eye.

“Did you?”

“At the Gate…I tried to warn her of what would happen. She wouldn’t listen! All she cared about was…was…”

“You.”

Anthy’s lips tightened, as she brought her hands closer to her face. “She…the day before, I tried to make sure she wouldn’t suffer through this. I tried to…I told her to leave the Academy and forget about me. She said…”

Anthy’s breathing was getting irregular. “She said she couldn’t. That even if I was hurting her, she had wronged me too. She came to place so much…importance on me. I…I…”

“…many knights pierced through the fog looking for the Fire. Some out of loyalty. Some out of glory. Some…out of something else.”

“She…even after I…literally stabbed her in the back…she only cared about me in the end.”

“And do you?”

Anthy’s hiccupped breathing turned into weeps.

“Please…she’d never be happy if she knew I was suffering this much just so that she wouldn’t. And I can’t stand the thought of her going through that torture any longer.”

“Do you know which knights I let take the Fire back home?”

“The ones who came out of loyalty?”

“No. Loyalty is cold. It’s good to have but it’s a poor motivator. Many evils were committed out of loyalty.”

“…I can confirm.”

“And it wasn’t those who came out of glory. When you’re motivated by glory, you’re not vigilant to what you’re doing. It’s just ego, at this point.”

“…I see what you mean. What kind of pure soul leaves with the Holy Fire, then?”

“Pure? Child, there are no pure souls. Nothing in this world is pure. Nothing is pure good, nor pure evil. It’s all much more complicated than that.”

“…”

The King by the lake grabbed back the rows of the boat and turned it around. “Stay here.” He said, “I will be back with the Holy Fire.”

Anthy gasped. “What? Y…you think I…I…”

He was now facing away from Himemiya. “Do you know which knights I let take the Fire back home?”

“…no.”

“Those who sought it out of love.”

Anthy’s tears flowed again on her face.

“Love,” the King by the Lake continued, “can be as foolish as loyalty. But it doesn’t lie. Not as much. Whether it be the one a king has to his people, a knight for his lord, a parent for their child…”

He turned his gaze back to Anthy, not without a painful groan. “Or the one a lady has for her knight, tying a ribbon to their spear before a joust.”

The King by the Lake turned back to the castle, and slowly rowed away. “Wait here.” He said, before his cormorant dove back in the water.

Meanwhile, back at the shore, Anthy fell to her knees and wept. She regretted leaving Chu-chu back at the car. She could have used his distracting presence.

Anthy wept, for she was scared. She’d avoided thinking about it. She’d kept telling herself and others that finding Utena was just out of fairness, obligation, or debt. Because she didn’t think she could feel or be anything else. That she was still just a puppet without a heart. And that the pains of seeing Utena suffer was just empathy.

She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Nor could she convince herself that it was just the geas that got her attached to Utena in the first place. It might have kept her with her, but it didn’t make her grow on Anthy. And Anthy didn’t think she’d have anything in her that someone could grow on.

Anthy wept, for she was sad. She’d avoided thinking about it. About Utena’s body, pierced with the million swords of hatred, writhing in pain every second Anthy was here on Earth. About knowing she wasn’t safe. That she wasn’t okay. That she was hurt. That she wasn’t here. Dear Lord, if only she was here with Anthy. So that Anthy could caress her head, promising everything would be fine. So Anthy could see her.

Anthy wept, for she was in love.

* * *

“Okay, now…spin!” said the driver. “…I said spin.”

“Chuuuuu” answered Chu-chu, not spinning.

The driver sighed. They straightened back into their seat. What time was it, they thought. The sky was so cloudy and grey it was hard to tell. It was morning when they left town. They’d driven for quite some time. Was it minutes? Was it hours? The driver forgot. They forgot a long time ago.

Then, they spotted Himemiya’s figure exiting the fog. She looked somber, her face a bit red, as if she’d been crying. And in her arms, she was holding a shut dark lantern.

She slowly got to the car, and silently opened the back door, and took a seat.

“That thing’s new.” Commented the driver. “I take it that went well?”

Anthy did not answer, simply letting Chu-chu toy with her hand. The driver knew to read the room.

“Well, back to the hotel with you.”


	6. Limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy swore she'd cross worlds to find Utena. Now, she was ready to make good on that promise.

Jabu crossed the threshold to Anthy’s room. It was fairly cozy. He wondered how she managed to get this kind of hotel room booked for herself, given that she was…well, technically still a teenager. He tugged at the fabric of his suit. He was not used to city wear. Thank the stars Anthy’s hotel wasn’t downtown, he would have gone insane. He lived in the middle of the woods for a reason.

“Welcome, mister Jabu.” Said Anthy, sitting on her bed, as he entered.

A voice emerged from the bathroom. “Oh, the spider wizard has arrived? He didn’t bring any…friend, with him, did he?”

“No, Wakaba, he’s alone.”

Jabu raised an eyebrow. “Why did you bring her to our meeting? I don’t think she’ll be required.”

Anthy stood up. “When I come back with Utena, I’d rather not show up in the middle of nowhere. Or at her parents’ house. It would be somewhat awkward, don’t you think?”

“…sure. You’ll have her stay here while you’re in Limbo?”

Wakaba emerged from the bathroom, a tower wrapped around her hair. “That’s the plan! A nice paid vacation for little old me. Plus, when it ends,” she cast a wistful smile, “I get to see my friend again. So, full win for me.”

Jabu smiled back at the young girl, and probed the room. It was large enough to make a ritual without having to move furniture. Then, on a small table, he spotted the dark lantern.

“…that’s what I think it is, right?”

“It is, yes.” Answered Himemiya.

“…can I see it?”

“Don’t extinguish it. That would be very unfortunate.” She answered.

Jabu kneeled in front of the lantern, and delicately opened the shutter. He squinted immediately. Even with sunlight bathing the room, the light of the Holy Fire was still a sight to behold. It felt warm and soothing. Almost…friendly.

“…it’s beautiful.”

“So, what now?” asked Anthy.

Jabu closed the shutter. “Well, now I just have to throw you into Limbo. If you don’t fight back, it’s not actually that hard. Of course, we’re going to have to…aim a little. Unless you want to spend millennia searching for your lady.”

Anthy chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve rented the room for this long. Or that Wakaba’s parents will wait as much.”

“Probably not, no.” The latter confirmed, having taken a seat in a reclining chair.

“Fortunately, we might have something to work with. Utena didn’t fall at random in Limbo, she had to fall with the remains of the Rose Gate. Now, even though you’re not tied to the Rose Gate anymore, you’re still…how to say…thematically connected to it, if you see what I mean.”

“I roughly see, yes.”

“So I could use that to direct your fall in Limbo towards what’s left of the Gate. Your champion should be there.”

“That’s an awful lot of “could”, “should” and “might”. Doesn’t exactly exude confidence.” Commented Wakaba.

“Well, it’s still better than “can’t”, is it?” replied Anthy.

Wakaba shrugged.

“Oh, by the way, you might want to take Chu-Chu with you. You do NOT want to be wandering around Limbo alone.”

Chu-chu, hearing he was being talked about, popped out of under the bed, and moved towards his mistress.

Anthy grabbed the lantern from the table, picked up Chu-chu and placed him on her shoulder, and faced Jabu.

“…I’m ready.”

“Okay. Hang on tight; this isn’t going to be pleasant.”

* * *

“Chuuuu? Chuuuuuuuu?”

This was the first thing Anthy heard. She slowly opened her eyes. Her body was aching as she laid on a rough floor. Chu-chu was standing in front of her face. As she raised herself to a sitting position, she took in the landscape she ended up in.

It was like she fell in the ruins of an ancient, yet sky-scraping city. Ruins of towers and buildings, piling over each other in defiance of gravity. There wasn’t a single sign of life: no insect chirping, no bird singing, and not a single blade of grass or vine stood out. It was nothing but stone, sand and dust. She looked up to the sky. She noticed the highest ruins plunged into a thick fog, covering the sky in light gray. She then looked down to the ground. She wasn’t casting a shadow. And neither was Chu-chu. The ruins stood on a rocky, sandy, and uneven earth. She then looked in every cardinal direction. Nothing stood out. Just more ruins, of varying architectures, forming an endless sea of stone.

She’d seen many ruins. Most of them looked either beautiful, like majestic rebellions to the damage of time, or sad, like dying memories somehow trying to still exist. But these…they looked meaningless. Like forgotten things that once made sense, but were now lost.

“…no doubt. I’m in the right place.”

She closed her eyes, and opened her ears. Nothing. She probed the landscape again. Still nothing stood out. Where to look? If Jabu did the ritual right, she shouldn’t be far from Utena. She could feel her heartbeat accelerate. She was close, so tantalizingly close, she knew it…but she knew she’d drive herself to madness if she couldn’t find her now.

She stood up, letting Chu-chu cling to her arms. A few yards away, she spotted the dark lantern. She went to it and picked it up, before checking if the Fire was still lit. As she opened the shutter, the heat of the Fire flowed on her face. Compared to the utter nothingness the landscape brought, the sensorial simulation felt pleasant. It was still lit. Good. She then dug her hand in her pocket. She felt the zinnia key. It was still there. Good.

She looked at the ruins again, trying to pick where to start. She eventually took the direction of a weird series of alcoves. It kind of reminded her of the architecture at Othori Academy.

Anthy couldn’t tell for how long she searched and walked. She often stopped to gaze at the Holy Fire or play with Chu-chu. This place was maddening. It was barely above “nothing but white in all directions” as uninteresting places to be went. Not even the way the ruins got clustered together looked interesting. It somehow felt more like nothing than if there actually was nothing. The dust didn’t even go in her lungs to inconvenience her. Her feet didn’t sink in the sand. The ruins weren’t hard to navigate.

Time was stretching as she wandered in Limbo. She tried to stay at a reasonable distance of where she fell. Just to stay grounded to something. A part of her heart filled with dread at the prospect of never finding Utena in all this, even if she spent eons walking in any direction.

She was starting to get tired.

Then, as she was digging herself deeper in the bowels of what she assumed was some sort of monastery, she heard Chu-chu, who was usually wandering around a few yards from her, give a little yell.

She turned around, and Chu-chu emerged from a door frame she hadn’t bothered to check. Curious, Anthy went through it. It was a small room, with a hole in the roof.

She gasped, as she saw the first thing worth noticing in what could have been either minutes or days.

Under the hole in the roof, a sword stood, lodged in the ground.

A shiver went through her at the sight of the sword. It awakened old memories, old pains. She knew that sword.

She approached it. It was one of those. One of the swords who had torn her soul apart for ages.

But what is this one doing here? Alone?

She was standing right next to it. She raised her head to the hole in the roof. She noticed the ruin she was in was at the bottom of its cluster. Nothing seemed worthwhile on the rest of it.

Then, she had an idea. She opened the shutter of the lantern, face to the sword. The metal of the sword turned white from the light of the Holy Fire. Anthy’s intuition was confirmed. “ _Of course,_ ” she thought. “ _Metal shines when light is thrown on it._ ” She opened the shutter even wider, this time pointing it at the hole in the roof.

And then, as if answering her call, thousands of sparkles lit up on the walls of the cluster of ruins. Anthy’s face split in a wide smile. Utena couldn’t be much far away now.

She climbed out of the hole in the roof, still using the lantern to shine at the ruins. She could now see, even when closing the shutter, where the swords were. They blended in the decor before now, but she could see them. And on the roof she was now standing on, a couple of blades also were lodged.

She got closer to one of those. She noticed they were lodged at roughly the same angle. She kneeled down, turned her head to the sky, and followed with her stare where the sword’s hilt was pointing: a tower at the top of the cluster. Anthy shined the Fire in that direction, and as she expected, the tower lit up like a candle in the sky.

Anthy closed the shutter, and bolted forwards. Chu-chu was struggling to follow her as she climbed and ran her way through the cluster. Going from one building to the next, she could see swords more and more often. In her impatience, she climbed out a window and up the façade of one building whose stairs she couldn’t find.

Up and up she went, and the swords were almost starting to be a bother. But eventually, she raised herself at the top of the tower. And as she gazed on the large roof she had reached, a ball formed in her throat. There were hundreds of swords here, their hilt all pointing at a tall shard of stone standing in the middle, which itself had so many blades lodged in it Anthy could barely make out its shape.

She moved closer to the standing rock, circling around it, trying not to cut her legs on the swords she zigzagged around.

Her breath finally left her when, as she was only a dozen yards from the rock, about a quarter turn of an angle from where she entered the room, she saw something amongst the blades.

She saw color for the first time since she fell in Limbo.

First she saw pink. Runaway strands of hair, trying desperately to make their way out of the mass of iron that covered the rock.

Then she saw red. Dry, old, and running down the rock and the blades.

Then she saw black, at the center of it all.

Anthyt let go of the lantern in shock.

“UTENA!” she screamed, darting towards her.

In her rush, she let her leg run too close to a blade, and cut open her ankle. She fell forwards, where her arms and thighs met a few other swords.

She pulled herself back up, ignoring the pain. It was one she was familiar with. As the swords became too dense to move forwards properly, she started getting angry. She pulled a few out of the ground, tossing them aside. She looked up to Utena, and the ball in her throat got bigger, as she saw all the points in her body in which a blade had been lodged, nailing her to the rock.

She eventually got herself close enough to reach the swords embedded in Utena, and tried to pull one out. But these ones would not budge.

As she was exhausting herself on a single blade in Utena’s foot, she felt Chu-chu pull at her ankle. She turned away to look at him. He pointed at the lantern.

Anthy paused for a few seconds, then wriggled her way to the lantern and back, opening the shutter, face to Utena.

“GO AWAY!” she yelled, shining the light on the blades.

But nothing happened.

She pressed the window of the lantern on one of the swords.

“I SAID GO AWAY!” But nothing happened.

She struck the swords with the lantern, pounding and screaming.

“LEAVE! HER! ALONE!”

She then froze. The light of the Holy Fire was shining even more than usual.

She turned the window of the lantern to her.

The Fire felt warmer. More alive.

Following her instincts, Anthy plunged her hand inside the lantern. It burned. She felt jolts of pain course through her body. But she didn’t stop. She felt something. Something almost…solid, at the center of the light. She pulled at it.

The lantern flew away, as the Holy Fire rested in Anthy’s palm. It stopped hurting. Anthy’s hand felt full of energy, of life. She could feel the warmth of the Fire invade her. She turned her gaze to Utena’s body, still nailed to the standing rock. She dug her flaming hand in the swarm of swords, desperately trying to reach Utena’s skin.

The swords around her hands shuddered and shook. Anthy could see bolts of energy make their way through the metal. For every millimeter of progress she made, she could see the shuddering of the swords amplify and expand to the other. She was now only an inch away from touching Utena’s heel. The clanking of the blades sounded like a dissonant song.

Then she reached her.

Anthy was almost ejected back as a blinding light flooded her. The Holy Fire instantly spread throughout Utena’s body, and the swords that were piercing her went white from heat. The swords were no longer clanking, but shrieking, like the last song of a swan.

Then, another flash, and the sound of metal breaking. She could feel and see thousands of shards of metal fly everywhere, shattering apart any other sword they touched, in a massive chain reaction.

When the cacophony of shattering ended, she heard one last sound.

She heard Utena slide down against the rock.

Anthy immediately caught her, holding her unmoving body in her arms. Anthy laid her head on Utena’s chest, and let out a cry of relief when she felt it rising. She kneeled down, still holding her friend in her arms. She looked down on what had become of her.

Utena’s skin was pale, riddled in scars. On her neck, her arms, her legs, her chest and her abdomen. Her black uniform was torn apart, barely holding on together, and had taken a sickly brown tint from the blood.

The view of her friend in such a condition was too much for Anthy. She closed her eyes in a futile attempt to stop tears from flowing.

“Oh, Utena…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She cradled her tightly, as Chu-chu was also looking somberly at her.

Then, Anthy heard a small groan. She pulled back, looking at Utena’s face. Her already racing heart went into overdrive when she saw Utena’s eyelids slightly parting, revealing the shade of blue that Anthy had come to miss so much.

Anthy laid her hand on Utena’s cheek, her face just a few inches over hers. She held her breath as Utena’s eyes continued to open. Anthy saw her pupils contract, and then turn to Anthy’s face, as Utena blinked for the first time since she was last truly alive.

“Hi…Hime…miya?” whispered Utena in a half-choked breath.

Anthy let her thumb caress Utena’s cheek.

“I’m here.” She said with a smile. “Sorry it took some time.”

Utena drew a breath, and tried to raise her arm, but suddenly clenched her body and yelled in pain.

“It’s okay. Don’t try to move too much yet.”

“Hi…Hime…”

Utena winced as she disregarded Anthy’s warning. Drawing all her strength against the raging pain in her body, she managed to raise her hand to meet Himemiya’s own on her cheek.

“You’re…you’re here. You’re okay.”

“Yeah.” Answered Anthy, lowering her head until her forehead touched Utena’s. “I’m here. I’m okay”

Anthy heard Utena’s breath accelerate and hiccup. “I…I s…saw you fall. I…I…”

Anthy’s pupil shrunk in realization.

“You…you thought you had failed me.”

Utena’s eyes filled with tears, as even her pain couldn’t stop her from sobbing. Anthy drew her closer, hugging her head against her chest.

“…you spent all this time thinking I died, didn’t you?” she said, choking back tears of her own, as she caressed Utena’s hair.

Utena managed to wrap one of her arms around Anthy’s waist. She didn’t answer, and kept sobbing.

“…I’m okay. You’ll be fine.” Reassured Anthy.

The two of them laid here for a few minutes before Utena’s sobs calmed down. Anthy pulled her hand away from Utena’s face, and dug it in her pocket.

From which she retrieved the zinnia key, which was glowing slightly from Utena’s proximity.

“Let’s go home.” She said, leading Utena’s thumb to the head of the key.


	7. It hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Utena is back, but the journey isn't over. The weight of the curse was too much to bear on her shoulders.

Wakaba was sitting on the ground, playing solitaire. This paid vacation had lost its momentum surprisingly quickly. Sure, she got to hang around the hotel (it had a pool, which was nice), but she didn’t dare to leave it, in case Himemiya got back with Utena when she did. Sometimes she wasn’t even comfortable leaving her room. She almost came to wish that wizard dude stayed. Sure, he was super old, but being alone made everything so much more boring. It also stuck her with fewer distractions from her thoughts. She tried not to annoy Himemiya too much, but…ever since she got her memory back, her longing for Utena had been hard to bear. She didn’t want to talk about it to her because she knew she missed her even more. But was that fair? To ignore how she felt just because Himemiya might have it worse? She tried not to think about that too much. Nor about the possibility that Anthy failed in her quest. She wouldn’t allow her train of thoughts to go anywhere near that.

But as she was realizing that she’d reached an impasse in her game of solitaire, a flash of light suddenly invaded the room. It left her disoriented for a few seconds, but when she came back to her senses, she noticed she couldn’t see the outside from the room’s windows. The light of the hallway was no longer visible from under the door.

And then, the door to the hallway started warping. The knob melted into the wood, which in turn shifted into stone. Intricate patterns drew themselves on the newly forming door, as the frame burst open, as thick lines of marble hatched from the wooden beams.

When the warping ended, Wakaba was staring down at a beautiful marble double door, decorated with the pattern of a massive flower.

And then, the door opened outwards. It opened to…Wakaba wasn’t sure. It was grey, and light, and somehow looked like both an endless expanse and a confined environment. And then, someone stepped through the door. She recognized Himemiya immediately as her loose purple hair (from which Chu-chu’s telltale ears popped out) clashed with the grey background. And she then spotted the pink spot of color right underneath the purple, as Wakaba’s breath was cut short when she noticed Himemiya was carrying a seemingly unconscious Utena in her arms.

In a second flash, the Gate of Longing closed, leaving nothing but the old wooden door to the hallway behind. Wakaba bolted forwards.

“UTENA! Oh my god is she alright?” she pressed Anthy.

“She’s alive, but weak. She’s still badly hurt.” Anthy answered. “Let’s lay her down.”

Wakaba crossed the room in an instant, pushing away whatever was on the bed (a few loose clothes and a magazine) and pulling the covers to make way for Utena. Anthy gently set her on the pillows. Wakaba took a closer look at her friend.

“She’s…she’s covered in scars…”

“Yes. She might…have been more vulnerable to the curse than I was.” Said Anthy.

“…hold on, she’s gonna need some new clothes. I must have a spare pajama here somewhere.” Said Wakaba, before darting to her suitcase.

Anthy agreed this was probably needed. It was already a miracle that what was left of Utena’s uniform still somehow held itself together. She lifted Utena to a sitting position, and gently worked on unbuttoning her jacket.

As she was doing so, she heard a groan leave Utena’s throat. She then felt her shift her head, moving it closer to Anthy’s.

“You’re awake?”

A small whimper was the only answer she received.

Wakaba, having found the pajamas, sat on the bed, opposite to Anthy, and grabbed Utena’s hand.

“Hey Utena. I’m here.” She whispered.

Wakaba was responded to by a small opening of Utena’s eyes, with a shaking gaze cast in her direction. Utena weakly clenched her hand on Wakaba’s.

Utena’s friends managed to get her out of the shreds of her old uniform and into Wakaba’s spare pajamas, though not without quite a few loud winces when any shift in position was required. She was still barely half-awake, and didn’t spoke, only humming or grunting once in a while to inform them she was still awake.

It took Wakaba an ungodly amount of willpower to not freak out. To let her rest one they were done changing her. To not beg Utena to tell them she was fine. Because she knew she wasn’t, but a small part of her didn’t want to face that. Because she wanted to be able to celebrate that reunion loudly and happily. Because even if she was finally back…well, maybe she wasn’t yet. And that hurt deeply.

“Want to go back to your parents’ house?” inquired Himemiya.

Wakaba didn’t answer, simply looking at her, eyes on the verge of breaking down in tears.

“I didn’t think so.” Himemiya said. “You can take the couch; I’ll try sleeping on the floor.”

* * *

Anthy heard a scream. Her eyes flung open. The morning lights flooding the room shortly blinded her, but she struggled through it to stand up, knocking away a still sleeping Chu-chu doing so. Once standing, she probed the room. Wakaba was fidgeting in the couch, groaning slightly. Utena, on the other hand, was much more clearly awake, having shifted to her side, weakly clutching her arm and wailing in pain.

Anthy rushed to her side. Utena was breathing rapidly, and wincing.

“Utena! What’s going on?”

Utena registered Anthy’s presence. “It…it hurts. I can’t…I c…” she struggled to enunciate.

“Sssshh. Don’t try to get up. Let’s get you back on your back, okay?” she gently said, setting her hand on Utena’s shoulder.

Utena nodded, and let Anthy lead her onto her back. She wasn’t looking better than yesterday. More awake, sure, but still pale. Anthy put her hand on Utena’s forehead: she had a fever, and was sweating a lot. She didn’t understand what was happening. The curse was gone; the Holy Fire shattered the swords. So why was she still in pain? Anthy wasn’t in pain when she got the curse off her.

“What’s going on?” said Wakaba, finally emerging.

“She hurt herself trying to get up.” Answered Anthy.

Wakaba went from barely awake and slumped on the couch to hyperactive and dashing to the bed, going awfully close from stepping on a grumpy Chu-chu on the way.

“How badly hurt? Where? Why did you try to get up? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“S…sorry.” Said Utena, weakly.

“Oh no, I’m sorry I got angry. I’m just so worried.” Wakaba stood up. “You look dreadful. We got to get you something to eat.”

“She’s not going to be able to chew much, so…soup?” added Anthy.

“Soup it is! I’ll try to get one without noodles in it, so that it’s easier.”

Wakaba turned around, but before she reached the door, heard Utena call to her:

“W…Wakaba?”

“Yes?”

Utena winced, but struggled to give a kind look to her friend. “I’m…happy you’re here.”

Wakaba brought her hands to her mouth. “…me too. I’m so happy you’re here.”

She left the room. Before getting back in to change out of her pajamas. Then she got out for soup.

“Wh…where…are we?”

“In a hotel, somewhere in the south suburbs of town.” Answered Anthy. She stood from the bed. “I think I might help alleviate the pain a bit. Hold on a minute and don’t move.”

She went to her purse, lying on the ground against a nearby wall, and dug into it. She quickly pulled a little vial from it, containing dry herbs. She then filled an electric kettle with tap water, and turned it on.

She heard Utena wince loudly. She turned to her, and saw her with her right arm and head slightly raised. She was staring at her arm, a look of panic in her eyes.

“What part of don’t move don’t you understand, Utena?”

She let her arm down, with a tinge of surprise in her gaze. “…took you long enough.”

“What?”

“You’re…not calling me Miss Utena anymore.”

Anthy smiled. “No. I’m not.” She went back to the side of the bed, and grabbed Utena’s hand. “And how long until you start calling me Anthy?”

Utena let out a painful chuckle, before resuming a somber expression. “…how bad do I look?”

Anthy mirrored Utena’s expression. “Not great. You should feel better once you’ve eaten and rested, but you’re still covered in scars. I…don’t think they’re going to go away.”

“It’s…a wonder I…” Utena paused to wince a bit at her aching…well, everything, but at that moment it was her lungs that drew attention. “…didn’t just die.”

“That was the worst thing about this curse. We just couldn’t.”

Utena turned her head to Anthy, tightening her grasp on her hand. “How…how long w…”

“A few months. You were very-“

“-were YOU…how many years?”

“…more than I’ve cared to count.”

Tears formed in Utena’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Anthy lifted Utena’s hand to her own chest. “Don’t be. I…I was the Rose Bride. It…it wasn’t good, but it was mine to bear. It never should have been yours.”

“I’m sorry I never understood.”

Anthy lowered her head, fighting to not start weeping. “I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

“I’m…”

There were interrupted by the whistle of the kettle. Anthy stood up and went to it. She poured the hot water into a mug, and poured some of the dried herbs into it.

“Himemiya?”

“Yes?”

“What…what happened…when I was gone?”

“Well…you were pretty much out of existence. Most of Othori forgot you even existed. Just getting Wakaba to remember you was complicated.” She brought the mug on the nightstand, waiting for it to cool down. “…I left it right after you disappeared. Without the curse and with the knowledge that you were still alive somewhere…leaving my brother behind suddenly didn’t seem so hard.”

Utena’s eyes widened, and her breathing accelerated.

“It’s okay.” Anthy set her hand on Utena’s shoulder. “He can’t hurt us anymore.”

Utena managed to raise her hand to join Anthy’s on her shoulder.

“So you’ve…left everything? Went alone for months?”

“Well, not alone.”

“Chuuuuuuu” said Chu-Chu, climbing on the bed.

Utena let out a small smile. “Hey there little guy.”

The door to the room suddenly flung open.

“IIIIIIIITTT’S SOUP TIME!” Sort-of-sang Wakaba as she entered with a large tray. “I’ve also taken some stuff for the two of us, Himemiya. I don’t know what you like, so I just picked a rice salad.”

“That’ll do great. Thank you a lot, Wakaba.” She turned back to Utena. “We’re going to have to get you to a sitting position to eat this properly. Wakaba, can you help me lift her a bit?”

“Can do!” Wakaba went to the other side of the bed. The two grabbed Utena by the shoulders.

“Ready?”

“Sure.” Said Utena.

The two started pulling, dragging Utena up so that her back laid on the headboard.

“GGGHHHYYAAAAAHHHH!”

“Just a little more. You’re doing great.” Whispered Anthy in Utena’s ear.

“It hurts! It hurts so much!”

“I know. Just a little more.”

They got Utena in the sitting position after a few more whimpers.

“The infusion should have cooled down. Want to start with that?”

Utena let out a pained “uh-uh”. Anthy brought the mug to her lips, and helped her down it.

“There you go. Nice and easy.”

After the mug was empty, Anthy worked in getting some soup in Utena. She was in no shape to hold a spoon yet, so Anthy had to feed her. They managed to finish the bowl (a fairly reasonable serving) before the infusion kicked in. Afterwards, Utena fell down quickly. Wakaba and Anthy got her back in sleeping position. Without wailing this time, save for a couple of groans at the beginning.

“…I should probably go back home. Before my parents get worried.” Whispered Wakaba.

“Have breakfast first. Wouldn’t want you leaving on an empty stomach.”

“Thanks, but I ate while you were feeding Utena.” She looked at her sleeping friend. “…I’ll be back. Can I have the number of that driver of yours?”

“Oh, I don’t call them. They just show up when I need.”

“...man, magic things are weird. Can you tell them to pick me up…”when I need”?”

“Of course.”


	8. No matter what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's sail away to a shining future

Utena let out a cry of pain as she pushed herself up the bed, using the headboard as a backrest once more. She was getting tired of lying still all day. From the other side of the room, Anthy sighed.

“When will you stop pushing yourself? Apart from getting hurt, I don’t think you’re going to get anything from it.” She said.

Utena panted for a few seconds, then said: “Sorry, the ceiling got boring.”

Anthy crossed the room, sat on the bed, and put her hand on Utena’s forehead.

“Well, your fever has dropped, and you look much more colorful.” She took her hand off and laid it on Utena’s lap. I guess your condition was just from your body leaving the suspension of curse and registering all at once.”

“Probably. Does that mean I get to eat something that isn’t soup?”

“We’ll try, yes.”

Utena looked at Anthy sadly. Then she, not without great effort, sat her hand on top of Himemiya’s.

“…thanks for taking care of me.”

“Hey, we help each other no matter what. That was your idea, remember?”

Utena laughed, though it quickly turned into a pained cough. Anthy stood up.

“Since you don’t need as much rest, I think I can lessen the dosage on the infusions. I’ll go make you a new one for the night.”

Anthy left the bedside, making her way through the room. As Utena lingered in thought, reminiscing about holding Anthy’s hand in her own, something drew her attention. She was still wearing her Rose Crest. She gazed at it for a long time, before making a choice. In a harsh grunt, she lifted both her arms, and worked on taking it off her finger. She managed to pull it off, and in her new pain-induced lack of dexterity, it slipped off her grip and fell on the ground.

Utena’s wincing and the sound of metal hitting the ground drew Anthy’s attention, as she was turning on the kettle.

“…Utena?”

“Yeah?”

“Your ring…”

“Might as well get rid of it.” Utena sighed.

Anthy got back to the bed, with a worried look on her face.

“I remember when you’d never went without it. When it meant so much to you.”

“That was then. When I didn’t know any better. When I didn’t really know to whom it would lead me.”

“Well,” Anthy grabbed Utena’s hand, “it led you to me.”

“And to Akio. And…and…” Utena’s face started to crunch up.

Anthy moved closer and raised Utena from the headboard to let her slump in her arms. “Don’t fight it. Let it come out.”

She heard Utena’s breath turn into sobs in her shoulder.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into all this.” Anthy comforted.

“You didn’t. I was just…” Utena wept, “so…foolish and dumb and…Akio just…”

Anthy caressed Utena’s hair genly as she let her spill her guts out.

“I just played into his stupid games. Just because I wanted to play prince.”

“…well, neither of us is perfect. It’d be a bit childish to pass the blame between us.”

Utena didn’t answer, still sniffling.

“And for what it’s worth…you’re not too bad of a prince to me. It’s just…you never really had to be.”

“Well, it’s out of the question now anyways. So, double the reason to drop the ring.” Utena muttered.

“Utena…”

“You said it yourself. The fever and weakness, that was just the shock of leaving the curse. But…the pain…” she paused to breathe hectically, “it doesn’t stop. It…it's not getting better.”

Anthy tightened her hug. “It’s only been a few days. Maybe it’ll get better with time. Maybe…”

“Himemiya?”

“Uh?”

“Don’t. Just…don’t.”

Anthy didn’t answer, letting Utena cool down in her arms.

* * *

Utena pushed herself in a sitting position, grunting all the way.

“That didn’t sound as painful as usual.” Commented Anthy.

“It was.” Panted Utena. “I’m just getting better at it.”

As Anthy was about to respond, the door to the room flung wide open.

“UUUUUUUTENNNNA!” chanted an overly excited Wakaba, barging in like she owned the place, arms full of boxes.

Utena chuckled. “Wakaba, there are other people in this hotel, you know that?”

“Does this look like the face of a girl who cares? Anyways…” she dropped the boxes on the ground. “I dug out some of my old clothes. You’re a bit taller than me, but I figured you might want to change out of those pajamas. Wait…” she turned to Anthy, “what do you think happened to Utena’s stuff when she…you know…”

“Probably thrown away.” Anthy answered.

“…well anyways, I’m mostly a skirt girl, but I managed to find a couple of light pants.”

“Good, these PJs are getting sweaty. Going back in them after cleanup felt gross.” Commented Utena.

“Oh, you managed to take a shower?”

“Uh…no. I haven’t tried standing yet, but this place has a bath. Anthy helped me get into it.”

“This place has a bath?” she bolted to the bathroom. “Holy Moses, it does! How did I not see it when I was crashing here?”

Utena laughed. “I mean, it’s not exactly hidden.”

“What kind of place has a bath AND a shower? This hotel is fancy, Himemiya.”

Anthy shrugged, then looked at the pile of boxes. “Oh, did you bring something else?”

“Yeah! I was afraid Utena was getting bored, so I thought…let’s go from bored…to board!”

Anthy and Utena looked at her, completely deadpan.

“…as in board games! It’s board games.” Wakaba added.

“Oh, that’s so nice! I was getting kind of bored. How about playing cards?”

Wakaba squealed in glee. Anthy and she (and Chu-chu) set themselves on the bedside to let Utena play from there. The latter had gained back enough dexterity with her hands to hold the cards.

“…so, what now?” asked Wakaba in the middle of the game.

“Uh?”

“What do we do when the summer ends?”

Anthy and Utena stood in silence. They hadn’t really thought about this yet, but Wakaba wasn’t wrong. They had to address that.

“Well…it’s not like I can go back to Othori Academy. I’m probably written off as dead or expelled.”

“Besides…I don’t think you’d be in shape to attend class.” Added Anthy.

“And…where are you going to live? I don’t see either you hanging in this hotel forever.” Probed Wakaba.

“Well…my family has an estate in the country. Since my parents’ death, it belongs to me.”

“Again, presuming you weren’t declared dead.” Added Wakaba.

“…we could move in there.” Anthy chimed in.

Utena blushed. “What?”

“Your condition doesn’t seem to be improving much. You’re going to need help. As for classes, well…I could homeschool you.”

“You’d…do that?” Utena tried to hide her blush behind her cards.

Anthy smiled tenderly at her. “No matter what, remember?”

* * *

“I should probably get more of the infusion. Given that your pain has magic origins, I don’t think regular human painkillers are going to be of much use.” Anthy stated, while pouring the last herbs of the vial into the hot mug.

“I told you, I can deal without them.”

“Dear, the one time you didn’t get your evening dose, you couldn’t sleep all night.”

“It’s just…fatigue makes pain harder to bear.”

“And being in pain is tiring. Do you see the problem here?”

Utena didn’t answer, and just pouted. Anthy set the mug on the nightstand.

“So, Wakaba should be looking at your family estate either today or tomorrow. If it needs major patching, I’ll probably let you with her while I take care of it. Then we can work on moving in.”

“Man, thank god we have Wakaba. What did we ever do to deserve her?”

Anthy chuckled. “I don’t know.”

Utena let the silence lingered. “…not sure what I ever did to deserve you, either.”

“…I ask myself the same thing sometimes.” Answered Anthy, holding Utena’s hand.

The two of them stood quiet a few instants. Then, Anthy dragged herself further up the bed, side by side with Utena, head leaning on the headboard, still holding her hand.

“…you want to know something?” asked Utena.

“Hhm?”

“When…when I was in Limbo. When I couldn’t move, when the pain of the swords was so high that I could barely feel myself exist…

…sometimes I had little glimpses in which my thoughts managed to go astray from it. And…those were actually the worst times.

Because…I still thought I’d failed you. And that was the only thing I could think about in these moments. How much I missed you.”

Anthy didn’t answer. She just wrapped her arm around Utena’s shoulders, and gently embraced her, making sure she wasn’t hurting her by moving too abruptly. She rested her chin atop Utena’s head.

“I felt so…so weak and stupid.”

“You’re not weak and stupid. You helped me out of that coffin. Out of that life.” Whispered Anthy. “Barely caring about your own, back then.”

“…”

“I also disliked thinking about how much I missed you.” Admitted Anthy. “I focused on getting you back. I tried to stay cold.”

“Did it work?”

“…not often.”

“…”

“All I tried to focus on is that we’d promised to help each other. That I just had to make good on that. That I would. And that someday, whenever that day was, we’d shine together. But no matter how placid I tried to be, I always came back to thinking that this someday couldn’t some soon enough.”

“…Himemiya?”

“Yes, Utena?”

“Remember when I said that in ten years, we’d be laughing and drinking tea?”

“I do.”

“I said that because spending ten years with you was the best future I could hope for.”

Anthy sat silent.

“Because the only time I’ve ever been truly happy was when I was with you.” Utena professed in Anthy’s shoulder. “I didn’t say it before…the Rose Gate.”

Anthy tightened her hug, lowering her head so that her forehead was resting in Utena’s side hair. Utena was now returning the hug.

“And now…I’m happy again. Hurt, but happy.” Utena continued.

“…how about we stayed that way? Until that date over tea of ours. And perhaps even after that.”

Utena turned her head to make eye contact.

“Yeah. That’d be nice.”

The two stayed silent, marveling at the lights and colors that they found in each other’s eyes. Turning seconds into eternities of wonders. Anthy narrowed her eyes, slightly parting her lips, and moved her head a couple of inches closer to Utena’s face, freezing in doubt at the last moment. Utena’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but she then mirrored Anthy’s motion, tilting her head slightly so their noses wouldn’t clash.

And then, they moved forwards in unison, closing the gap between their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title drop!  
> One epilogue left and the fic will be over.


	9. New promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue they deserve

**10 years later**

Utena had been mulling over choices for a while. She was done with the paperwork for the day, so she was taking time to plan for next week’s party. Even if it was a small committee, Anthy insisted Utena didn’t half-ass her own birthday. But she never did care too much about fancy things. If it was up to her, she’d have Anthy buy a cake at random at the grocery store. But if she had to pick…well right now she was stuck hesitating between a Forêt-Noire and a big tiramisu.

“What do you think, Chu-chu?” she asked the little monkey fooling around on her desk.

“Chuuuuu” he unhelpfully answered.

“…might as well ask her. Thanks anyway.” She reached out to pet him, wincing when her arm got fully extended, but still giving Chu-chu the attention.

She drew in a breath, and sat her arm back on her right armrest, her hand on the controls. Chu-chu, noticing she was about to leave, jumped out of the desk and fell into Utena’s lap (which also pulled out a small wince). She pulled her chair back from her desk and drove it out of her office and into the shop.

As she was going down the ramp between the two, she spotted Himemiya tending to the hibiscus display near the register.

“Hey, Anthy? I need your help with something.”

“Coming, honey.” After she was done setting them right, she turned to Utena, and took a slight concerned look on her face.

“…what?”

“Your blanket is all messy.” She pointed at the plaid covering Utena’s lap, which was indeed not as neatly tucked in as she set it earlier today. “Have you been standing behind my back?”

“Uh…the cookbook was on the high shelf, and Chu-chu wouldn’t help.”

Anthy sighed. “You know, one day you’re going to fall and hurt yourself, you know that?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Anthy leaned in and kissed Utena on the cheek. “Don’t be. I’m just worried, that’s all.” She gave a quick pet on Chu-chu’s head, then straightened herself back up. “So, what did you need help with?”

“Uh, I couldn’t pick between tiramisu and forêt-noire for next week. What do you think?”

Anthy let her gaze go astray. “Ummm…forêt-noire.”

“Fine by me.” Utena leaned forwards, peeking between the clusters of flowers at the window to the street. “Not a lot of people today, uh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty quiet.” Answered Anthy, going back to arrange some bouquets. She refilled the water for some of the vases, before noticing Utena was still in the shop, her stare lost in the void. “Is something wrong?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing. It’s just…” She gave a slight sigh. “It’s weird. It’s not my birthday yet, but already feel weird. Getting old, you know.”

“25 isn’t exactly old, Utena.”

“Well, it’s a start. I mean, look at us,” she joked, “choosing cake in our flower shop. We’re basically an old married couple already.”

“Yeah…basically.” Mouthed Anthy, lower than Utena could hear.

Utena smiled at Anthy, then began a U-turn with her chair.

“It’s a bit weird for me too.”

“Uh?”

“Getting older. I’ve been alive for a long time but…I’ve never been old before.”

“To mirror what you said…literally 30 seconds ago, 24 isn’t old.”

“Well, I’ve never been an adult before. Happy now?”

“...yeah. I am.” Breathed Utena, before resuming her U-turn.

* * *

“And how many people are going to be there, again?” asked Wakaba, putting her card down.

“Oh, the three of us, plus Okabe, Bato…and plus ones if they want.” Answered Utena.

“Not that much, all things considered. Maybe it’s the social butterfly in me, but I was expecting a little more…pizzazz.”

“Well, think of it this way:” offered Anthy, as she placed two cards face down, “it’ll make a change of pace compared to your usual parties with your colleagues.”

“Yeah, you have a point. Musicians party surprisingly hard. If I didn’t have you two, I’d seriously miss little gathering in quiet atmospheres.” She stood up. “Tea should have cooled down now. I’ll go serve it.” She left the room and headed to the kitchen.

Anthy was thinking about the game. She looked at how many cards Utena and Wakaba had laid down, and how many they had left in their hand. And as she was, she noticed something.

“…your hands are shaking a bit, dear.”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Anthy pursed her lips. Utena had never been a very good liar.

“Anyways, Wakaba, how is work coming along?” Utena called to the other room.

“Oh, the usual. We’re mostly playing to record movie soundtracks at this time of year.” She re-entered the room with a platter holding three cups. “It’s funny, even if it’s just the music, we get a glimpse of the movie. The ones from which we can guess the most…it’s usually the best ones.” She laid the platter on the table.

“That doesn’t sound very accurate.” Commented Anthy, picking up two cups, setting one for her and handing the other to Utena.

“Ok, it’s not 100% accurate, but we got close a few-“

She was interrupted by Utena yelling shortly, and the sound of broken ceramic. As she jumped in place, she felt droplets of hot tea sprinkle her leg.

“Ah…sorry. It slipped, I…I slipped it. Dropped it. Sorry.” Stuttered Utena, still clenching on the saucer, hands and voice visibly shaking.

Anthy grabbed Utena’s hand, gently taking the saucer and setting it on the table. “It’s okay. I’ll get a broom. Wakaba, try not moving too much, we wouldn’t want you to hurt your feet.”

Wakaba stood silent. She saw Utena straighten a bit in her wheelchair, having brought her hands close to her face, eyes nearly closed.

“…are you okay?”

“It’s just…it’s getting late. It’s a bit harder when I’m tired.”

“Not exactly getting better, is it?”

Utena let out a sad chuckle. “I’d have let you know if it did. Well…that new infusion formula Jabu got us has been helping me progress, but…it’s not doing miracles either.”

“…if you’re having a bad day, you can tell me. I can come by another time.”

“Thanks, but…I’ll be fine. Just my chest and arms being difficult right now.” Utena tried to regulate her breathing, hoping that, for a lack of stopping the pain, she could stop the shaking.

Anthy got back into the room and cleaned up the shards of teacup on the floor. “If you need to call it a day, honey, don’t feel forced to stay. I can kick Wakaba’s butt at cards on my own.”

“I’ll have you know I am THIS close from winning!”

“Thanks, I’ll be fine. I can stay for a little while.” Utena reassured her.

“As you wish.”

* * *

Utena panted and winced. She took one last deep breath, and then got her legs into the bed. She then slumped on the pillows, her jaw still clenched. Dragging herself from her motorized chair to the bed in the evening (and vice-versa in the morning) was far from the most pleasant part of the day. A few seconds later, Anthy enter the room, a hot mug in her hands.

“Infusion time! It should be cool enough now. You think you can hold it or do you need help with it.”

“I can handle it.” Heaved Utena, raising her arms.

Anthy handed the mug to Utena, making sure she had a good grasp on it before letting it go. It wasn’t hot enough to burn, but it’d definitely make a mess of the bed sheets, so no harm being careful. Utena’s arms were pretty shaky, but she still brought the elixir to her mouth without too much problem and started sipping it.

Anthy got herself under the covers, and covered Utena’s legs with it.

“I should really find a way to keep a warm dose overnight. Like in those…heat-keeping mugs. It would make the morning easier if we don’t have to take time preparing one just after getting out of bed.”

“I don’t know. That Jabu dude said it had to be drank almost immediately after preparation, but I don’t think heat was the problem.” Countered Utena, before resuming her drink.

“Maybe. Alchemy isn’t really my forte, truth be told.”

Utena finished the infusion, grimaced, and set the mug on the nightstand. “You’d think Jabu would have found a way to make it taste better after all this time. Still feels like drinking earwax tea.”

Anthy giggled. “Well, I could sugar the next one. It shouldn’t interfere with the elixir’s properties.”

Utena sunk into the covers. “Eh, we could try. Want to talk about something before it kicks in?”

“Well, I’ve had this idea recently.” Replied Anthy. “You know how you said it was nicer when the flower presentation was really dense? Like ‘going through a rainforest of flowers’ dense?”

“Which I immediately followed by ‘however it makes it less wheelchair-accessible’, but continue.”

“If we were to do something like that, but not increase our flower volume, that’d free up a lot of place. Maybe we could set a little tea room there. That could be so peaceful.”

“…not gonna lie, taking tea surrounded by flowers would be pretty neat.”

“As for accessibility,” Anthy also dug into the cover, putting herself at eye level with Utena, “we can keep walkways and bends wide enough for chair maneuvers.”

“…well, I’d need to check our budget, but that could be considerable. The shop is getting a good reputation in the neighborhood as a nice place to see, so a transition to a nice place to hang out isn’t far-fetched.”

“That’d be nice.” Anthy grabbed Utena’s hand under the covers.

“Although that might need a few administrative steps…selling drinks somewhere makes the establishment fall under different rules and whatnot.”

Anthy grinned. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. This paperwork would drive me nuts in seconds.”

“Hey,” Utena managed to reach Anthy’s cheek with her other hand, “it’s not like I’d be any good tending to flowers.”

“We do make a good team.”

“Yeah”

Anthy watched Utena’s eyes get narrower, and her expression more relaxed. She figured the infusion was starting to take effect. She took advantage of Utena’s last moments of waking to plant a kiss on her lips, which she returned.

“Night night”, Utena muttered, drifting away.

* * *

“…and the lady on the other side almost panicked when I told her I had the form!” finished Utena.

Anthy laughed. “Dear lord, bureaucrats can be strange at times.”

“Yeah, they must have transferred me five times until one of them knew how to answer me.”

Anthy sipped her tea, and reached out for the cookie she left near the saucer, only to realize Chu-chu already ate it. “Well, it worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

“I mean, yes, but it “worked out” the same way Wakaba’s attempt at throwing you a surprise birthday party “worked out”. As in, sure the result was reached but the means were, as she would put it, a titanic mess.”

Anthy and Utena laughed in unison at that. Although Utena’s laugh turned into a pained cough and died out when she got a bit loud. Utena stared out the window. The sun was bathing the newly founded tea room in gold, as the warm and calm atmosphere of the shop soothed her. Enough to take her mind off her rusty and aching body, and enjoy Himemiya’s presence on a quiet Sunday afternoon.

“I guess we’ve done it, haven’t we?” whispered Anthy.

“Uh?”

“Laughing and drinking tea.”

Utena paused in thought. “Oh yeah. It’s been over ten years now, has it?”

“Something like that.”

Utena closed her eyes, slumping down in her wheelchair, basking in the sunlight. “…Anthy?”

“Yes, Utena?”

“Thank you.”

“…Thank you too.”

“This has been…” Utena professed, “…the best years of my life.”

“…well, they’re not done yet, are they?”

“Not a chance. Not for the world.” Utena promised, opening her eyes, reaching out her left hand across the small table to Anthy’s.

Anthy caressed Utena’s hand with her thumb. “Not for the world.” She mirrored.

“…it seems so far now. The Academy, the duels.”

“It is far.”

“And yet…falling in love with you feels like yesterday.”

“It does. You know why?”

“Uh?”

“Because it still feels like I’m with the girl I met back then.”

Utena let out a chuckle. “Come on. We’ve both grown.”

“We did. We changed. And still I could picture you back then: bag thrown over the shoulder, telling people off with no care in the world, a rose crest on your finger and a dream of being a prince.”

“Yeah, count that last two amongst those who changed. I haven’t even worn that ring in ages.”

“I know. A reminder of a bad promise.”

“…with a few good consequences.” Utena flattered, staring right at Anthy.

“…wanna make a new one?” Anthy said, still caressing and staring at Utena’s hand.

“Uh?”

Anthy pulled her other hand from under the table, in a closed fist. “A better one. One we make together.”

Utena blushed intensely, and brought her right hand to her mouth, her breath cut and silent.

Anthy raised her gaze to meet Utena’s. “One we’ll also seal with a ring.”

She opened her hand, revealing two golden rings, adorned with small jewels and delicate carvings.

“Utena…we were engaged once before, in a life now long lost. I think it’s long overdue that we’d renew those vows in this one. This life we built and chose to share.

Utena Tenjou, will you become my bride and let me become yours?”

Utena’s tongue was tied, and her eyes sparkled with tears.

“By all means,” she eventually managed to mutter, extending her left hand to Anthy, “do me the honor of making me your wife.”

Anthy leaned over the table and plunged her lips onto Utena’s. While the two kissed passionately under the shining sunlight, Anthy slid the rings on their respective fingers.

“And now, forever, we’ll shine.”

**THE END**


End file.
